How Can you cope...

Have you ever had this feeling, when you like someone sooo much, but you're unsure if she likes you back. It can be really hurtful and it can hurt more if you know the truth. But, the truth sometimes will make you happy and feel much better than you were when you started.

Well for once, I felt it more than once. But I'm still don't know the full truth. Somehow, I'm also scared of knowing the truth. This feeling started this year on the month of June. Since I started liking somebody, lets just call her.. Miss Anonymous. I have met her, and talked to her and i really really really (x2000000) like her. She like.. almost the perfect girl for me. I told her repeatedly that I liked her, and her reactions are like.. nil.

2 months later, I was like shocked to hear about all the secrets she had. I was bummed that she did'nt tell me about them. Because of that, I was hurt deeep deep deep deep inside when I experienced one of them. I was like... Torn apart, but recovered quite fast. I wont't tell you what did i experience ( take that you bloodsucking people! WAHAHA you can't use that against me!). It seriously renderred me into a pre-emo stage for quite awhile. My world was upside down and i could not face her for a looong while. Deeply hurt for what she did. See her in the streets? I jump into the nearest bush, not knowing one was a very thorny bush. ><". Didn't talk to her even after 3 months. But i still check her friendster once in a while. I still have deeep deeeeeeeeep deep deep deeep( slap me cos im not gonna stop saying that) deep deep deeep deeep deep (after 3 hrs) deep feelings for her.

After the grueling PMR war was over (5th October 2007) The PMR flag was lowered and burned. We were free, I was so happy, i forgot about the pain and suffering and ran over to St Tre to give her a congratulation. But she was not there, I err pictured myself falling down into the darkness like in the animes.. which was kinda stupid. So I just went home and chugged down bottles of Tuak. I don't quite remember what happened next. The tuak was supposed to be saved for occasions but i guess this was 1. I woke up at err... possibly 9pm. My hair was somewhat like L L. Messy messy hair. I got off my ass and went for some online. There she was, her username was radiant before my eyes!(lol, rasa english rasa) I pushed back my hair, don't know why and double clicked her name. Chatting entries not included in this blog.

AFter that, we were back together. This time, we were slightly closer, but I'm still not sure if its gonna end up like last time. Pray for me! Ill add it here when I'm done.

Happy Flu day,
Ian